Living easy: How to set roommate boundaries

Kyrie Thomas
Thu, 31 Oct 2024 05:51:09 +0000
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Xiyonne McCullough, a second-year in journalism, entering her dorm room. Credit: Kyrie Thomas | Campus LTV Producer

Sharing a living space with friends can feel like a dream — at least, at first.

But, in order to extend the honeymoon period, students must be able to establish healthy boundaries with their roommates.

?The “roommate agreement” is a document many Ohio State students living on campus might be familiar with. According to the Office of Student Life’s Housing and Residence Education website, the agreement outlines rules surrounding cleaning issues, use of personal property, conflict resolution and more.

Rachel Lehman, a second-year in public health and sociology, said the informal contract actually carried little significance for her specific roommate group, which occupies an eight-person suite on campus.?

“We actually never did a roommate or a suitemate agreement,” Lehman said. “We weren’t opposed to it, but we just didn’t, and we haven’t had any issues. It’s been really good that we’ve been very communicative in a mature way.”

Though Lehman is one of eight roommates in her on-campus suite, her individual room is shared with just one other person — an arrangement she said has pushed her to set boundaries differently depending on various situations.

“For me and my roommate, it was easy,” Lehman said. “It was just setting boundaries like, ‘Hey, can we try not to have people over?’ or ‘Have the lights out by 11 p.m.’ If we had something later to do at night, we would just go to the common space.”?

Students are not explicitly required to complete the roommate agreement, but university spokesperson Dave Issacs said relying on the document can be beneficial when instituting boundaries at the start of the semester.?

“It opens those lines of communication early on, so that you’re not upset that your roommate leaves her clothes on the chair, and you’ve already talked through things like neatness and expectations,” Isaacs said. “You have a foundation for how you’d like to discuss things with each other.”

The roommate agreement is often completed in the presence of a third-party individual, usually a resident advisor. This aspect of the process can lend itself to more streamlined conflict mediation, said Zeina Elshaer, a second-year in biological engineering .

“It was really important because you don’t want to face any talks later on that you’re not able to resolve,” Elshaer said. “It’s just better to have things clarified, so you don’t bump into issues later on.”?

Setting clear expectations is one of the first steps students should take when moving in together, Isaacs said. As a potentially stressful semester unfolds, that’s when conflicts may begin to form.?

“It is perfectly appropriate to go to your hall staff or RA,” Isaacs said. “Your RAs are trained to help with conversations, and they’re trained to not be judgemental, [and to] listen to the situation and try to help.”

Though the dorm roommate agreement is considered non binding, Isaacs said for students living off campus, Student Legal Services offers a binding contract that outlines “legal rights and responsibilities” between renters.?

“You have things like, ‘Who pays the rent?’ and ‘How do the others get involved in that?’ and ‘Who pays whom what?’” Isaacs said. “So, a roommate agreement is perhaps even more important when you move off campus.”

On or off campus, Lehman said she’s found the biggest key to setting successful boundaries with roommates to be transparent communication.?

“I got really lucky with my roommate,” Lehman said. “I know not everyone has the same experience that I did, but I also think 90% of issues with roommates are solvable if you just talk it out.”

Roommate agreements and setting boundaries are meant to identify and ease stressors between all parties sharing a space, which is why Elshaer said it’s crucial to also take one’s own personal needs and limitations into account.

“Don’t be afraid to put your needs out there because it’s a shared space — it’s your space — and you don’t have to cater to somebody just because they’re living there,” Elshaer said. “You shouldn’t forget that you’re you, and you deserve that comfort too.”