Home for the holidays: How family dynamics take a toll on students

Pearl Carey
Wed, 23 Nov 2022 02:04:52 +0000
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A tree decorated by Kyrstens Sweet Designs. The Christmas Tree Showcase runs Nov. 19-Jan. 1 at the Milton and Catherine Hershey Conservatory at Hershey Gardens. November 17, 2022. Credit: Dan Gleiter via TNS

The holiday season is a time of giving, but it can also be a time of anxiety and stress for students due to family dynamics when going back home.

With Thanksgiving and winter break right around the corner, this time can be exciting but also stressful for students with strained family relationships, Suzanne Bartle-Haring, a professor in human development and family science, said.

“Students get a lot of freedom and independence when they first leave home,” Bartle-Haring said. “But then when we go to visit our families, we feel like we’re 16 again.”

Bartle-Haring said students often face abandoning the newfound freedom they’ve discovered in college due to parents’ difficulty adjusting to their children’s sense of adulthood.

“Parents are going to have a harder time seeing you as different,” Bartle-Haring said. “Just being calm and kind of accepting where they’re at because you’re only there for, you know, a couple weeks.”

Bartle-Haring said along with experiencing parental strains, students may also experience difficulty acclimating to home life without their peers.

“Have somebody to touch base with from your new world, so to speak,” Bartle-Haring said. “This can help, so you’re not completely surrounded by your old world.”

Another challenge students can face when returning home is determining how to deal with an onset of stress, Bartle-Haring said.

“Pay attention to your reactions to your stress instead of just your stress,” Bartle-Haring said. “Are you going to talk with someone about why you feel stressed, or are you going to find something that relaxes you for a little bit?”

Emani Walls, a third-year in psychology, said she’s had to confront her own mental health when visiting home for the holidays by respectfully setting boundaries with her parents.

“I just let my mom know once that, you know, I have my own ways of doing things now,” Walls said. “I just had to, you know, respectfully let her know how I felt coming home for break.”

Along with prioritizing clear communication with loved ones, Walls said it can be difficult as a student to truly relax when holiday breaks are only a few days.

“I feel like I’m home, but I’m not really home because I still have work to do as I’m returning to school in the next few days,” Walls said.

To combat feelings of fleeting relaxation, Walls said spending time alone and separating yourself from friends and family for a few hours can be helpful to fully adjust to being back at home.

Walls said recognizing parents may not be able to understand how students have entered a new lifestyle in college is important to remember when feeling stressed coming home for break.

“Parents just look at college sometimes as just school,” Walls said. “For me, it’s kind of a separate lifestyle I’ve never had, or had anyone to share in this experience with me, so taking time for myself is super important.”