Satire: Freshman with more than 30 AP credits yet to brag about it

The Sundial
Wed, 07 Oct 2015 20:10:34 +0000
Arts & Life, Comedy, AP credits, satire, the dim bulb, the sundial, yik yak

The Dim Bulb is a weekly satire column contributed by members of the Sundial.

Thomas Baker, a first-year in chemistry, has a secret — a secret that many people immediately squander three seconds into awkward conversation. Baker has more than 30 AP credits, but has not mentioned it in casual conversation a single time, a first since the AP test was implemented in 1955.

“When I got to Ohio State, I couldn’t wait to tell everybody that I wouldn’t have to take the first semester of English,” said Sarah Lincolnshire, a third-year in marketing who still cannot cite a paper in MLA format.

“Who cares how many AP credits transferred,” Baker stated in a press release over the anonymous social media app Yik Yak on Wednesday. “None of the credits went to my major.”

The statement received more than 64 up-yaks and comments including, “That’s one salty sophomore,” “A Yak that isn’t a screenshot of SpongeBob? Up-Yak for you, Sir!” and “I didn’t have to take the first semester of English – Sarah.”

Since confessing to his clandestine credits, Baker yak-ed that he “feels like he finally fits in with the rest of his freshman class, despite technically being a sophomore.”

A yakker with a canoe avatar then commented, “If you’re technically a sophomore, you’re definitely a freshman,” and a black shovel added, “I didn’t have to take the first semester of English – Sarah.”

-James Wagner, staff member at The Sundial